As we close out another month in Halloween ‘Full Moon’ style we are being prepared to walk through the doorway of opportunity in November 2020, of the future, of new beginnings and it’s important to take a moment to acknowledge where we have been. We are constantly going through a death and rebirth process it feels every month these days and that has brought up much pain, grief, anger, sadness, worry and fear.
The 31st October is connected to death. In fact it’s actually about the death of the old, negative energy that’s not serving us and letting it go of it, clearing the energy to allow the new in. We can cling on to it as it’s what we know without knowing that we are doing it. We can be scared of change. I have really felt this recently. Scared of the unknown.
Halloween affects me every year. It all started in 2008 when I made a suicide attempt that felt like the end but was really the beginning for me. I help clients with mental health and anxiety every because I have been there. I have walked in their shoes and have came out the other end. I have felt every part of me die, every part of me come up to the surface for my attention. I have had cravings all my life, for food, for alcohol, for things, for love and i have searched outside of myself thinking I was broken. Thinking I was defected, not good enough, that I was a weirdo because I could feel everything. Now I finally see, I understand what it all was about and I am finally at peace. The road ahead for me is not easy as I have made some big decisions in my life that will leave me lonely and vulnerable for a bit but I will be ok as I have done the inner work, I am strong from the inside out now. I had to stop forcing myself to fix my external world, my external (physical body) and go within and yes I have scars and took a few scrapes along the way but I can feel that sense of freedom or peace in my heart that I have been longing for all my life and its here because I faced my fears. I went into the unknown, I faced my shadows, I went into the dark and I looked at my crap square in the face and took off my mask. Now I can finally be me. Some will get me and other won’t and that is ok. I have no more energy left in me trying to convince others of my worthiness and this has been my biggest lesson and I urge whoever is reading this to do the same.
Start with self care, make those steps towards self love. Let go of what is no longer serving you and TRUST the unknown. TRUST you intuition. TRUST your heart. “To thine ownself be true”
When we know what’s going to happen we feel safe but that’s not serving us anymore with what’s happening in the world. Get to know you, that person locked away inside of you, that inner child, that wild woman/man. At a time when we are forced to wear masks outwardly lets take them off inwardly. I have done it and yes it has been a bumpy road but it has brought me a freedom and peace that I just can’t put into words and I am prepared for those low days as I can stand in the dark now because I know that’s how we find and see the light.
We see death as dark and we avoid it. It’s like the emotion anger, we avoid feeling that but it’s an emotion just like joy. We need both in this world especially in the year 2020. The year of duality, of contrast, of balance, of seeing things more clearly (2020 vision). In the 8th century, pope Gregory 3rd announced ‘All Saints Day’ would be 1st November to honour the dead who have passed over and gone to heaven. Then ‘All Souls Day’ became 2nd November to honour those who have passed but not yet made it to heaven yet. Parades started to form in England and families would bake ‘soul cakes’ (which is where trick or treat comes from) to hand out to the poor so they could pray to the dead and their families. After a few years costumes became the tradition and then fear set in and people were afraid to leave their homes so they wore masks to avoid detection. Isn’t that interesting with us all wearing masks. Let’s drop the fear and invite in love.
In order for life to flow and express itself, that which belongs to the world of death must be released and it takes great courage to do so. What I’m talking about is not a physical death here, it’s the death of ego, the death of what is not working in our life and this is why we tune into the energy of significant days to help us. We need to see something through and let it go so that you are free from it. You might not even be aware of what it is but it’s in your energy field that is some how keeping you attached to the past and draining your energy so you can’t grow and prosper the way your soul was designed to. We came here to earth to learn from conflicts, from relationships, to live a life of joy and abundance and DESIRE. Yes desires.. we have forgotten this along the way somewhere. We are desirable beings that have been constrained by the rules and regulations put on us by society and structures. We are meant to live freely, roam freely like wild animals. Make love to life daily.
There is so much beauty and fullness waiting for you right now, just like the full moon last night! It’s normal to feel scared, heck I am scared but I don’t let it hold me back I keeping putting one foot in front of the other. Know you are supported, even if you don’t feel it right now, physically or emotionally. We have to face to the dark, go to that alone place to truly find ourselves and this is not what we have been taught. We have been taught that Prince Charming is coming on a white horse to save us. Well I hate to tell you this, he is not coming. He never was. This was all designed to create co dependency so you wouldn’t see your full power.
Your true feminine energy that many are scared of, your light. As women we have been brought up being good girls, ignoring our true desires and needs in a sort of sacrifice to make others happy, that what they think about us is more important than what we think and feel about our selves and that our own needs don’t matter. Well that ends today if you wish it. It’s time to return to source, to love, to God and he/she is not external. She/he is within you. Always and forever.
I have a 45 mins Full Moon ‘Halloween Special’ meditation over on my instagram page @mywellbeingpal to take your through this process of releasing the old, in a gentle, loving way as we are ready to step into this doorway of the new with no baggage, prepared and armed for what lies ahead and ready for whatever life throws at you as you are much stronger than you think.
Much Love 💗
Leigh xx
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